Potty Training at 10 months

We took a HUGE step last week and started potty training baby girl. We actually had no plans to start potty training her seriously. I bought a training potty just so she could get used to it and the idea...I mean she's been walking for 3 months already, so why not?

After a few days of letting her play with it like a toy I moved it to the bathroom, so we could explain to her that it was her potty just like this big one is mommy and daddy's potty. Shortly after she was making the poopy face, so I thought I'd sit her on the potty so she got the idea. She must have been ready to be potty trained because that's all it took! She went in the potty the very first time I put her on the potty. We decided to teach her the sign for potty, she loves her baby signing. The next day she came up to me and grabbed my arm and signed "potty". I took her upstairs and she immediately peed in the potty!

Since then she's totally gotten the hang of it, she even waits sometimes overnight or during her nap. She's obviously not ready for big girl panties but I've only had to change one poopy diaper since we started this! Sometimes she wants nothing to do with sitting on the potty, which is fine with me, I never force it. It's not like she needs to be potty trained right now.

I'm blown away that she seems to get the idea. I'm amazed that she's catching on so quickly! It just goes to show you that it never hurts to try, your kid might surprise you!

Where do baby's needs end and structure begin?

Lately I've had a lot of people telling me I should be in control of baby girl's sleep schedule, and I should ignore her telling me she's tired so I can put her on the schedule I want her on. That just seems crazy to me. Even boyfriend has told me I need to control when she sleeps and for how long. Doesn't it make more sense that if she's tired, she sleeps? After a week of testing their theories- they all said it would help her take longer naps- I am going back to my way.

I spent last week keeping baby girl awake longer than she wanted in hopes of getting her on a one nap schedule where she would nap for an hour or two. Instead she was just over tired and extremely fussy. Every time I put her in her crib at nap time she woke up, when we went to bed at night she was waking up every 20 minutes or so until about 4 am. We were both pretty miserable.

Yesterday I let her nap when she wanted to, and when she woke up she got up, I didn't try to force her to sleep longer than she wanted. She was the happiest she'd been in a week. And when she went to bed, she slept for 5 hours before waking up to nurse. This morning she was ready for a nap in about an hour after waking up, and since I let her sleep instead of keeping her awake she slept for almost an hour instead of the 10 minute naps that I'd gotten used to.

My only concern with this is that when she goes to school, she can't just nap when she's tired. I know, this isn't for years...but time flies! I know that this is why a lot of people who parent like I do end up homeschooling, or unschooling, their children. I find that idea very intriguing, but I also think it's very important she go to school to spend time away from Mommy and with her peers.

So how much freedom is too much? Where should I implement structure...or when? I very much think it's silly that parents feel they need to decide everything for their children, but I know she can't make every decision for herself.

I guess I just wanted to tell you other mommies out there that you don't NEED to force your baby onto a schedule. They know when they're tired. They know when they're hungry. They know when they want to play with you and when they want to be left alone. Treat them like people, respect their wants and needs, and you'll all be much happier. And I'm not saying to stop parenting, obviously it's our job as parents to get our children ready for the world and keep them safe.

Newborn

The moment the doctor hands you your new baby, everything changes. All those ideas formed throughout pregnancy of how life will be with the new baby, how you will feel, everything just flies out the door. The world, and how you look at it, changes completely. It's a difficult moment to explain, everything completely changes.

Then you go home. The nights are long, the screams are loud, and nothing you read to "prepare" yourself seems relevant. "What does she want?!" "Why won't she sleep??" "What can I do to help her?" Just some of the questions running through the new parents head. There's a simple solution that no one told you about. Though not an instant fix, I would not have survived had I not figured it out. Did it cure colic? No. But it did let us BOTH get some sleep regardless.

Step 1: Take a deep breath! That's the most important thing. Do NOT get overwhelmed, your baby will know. Do everything you can to stay calm, even if it means setting the baby down and walking away for a minute. Yes, it's stressful to hear your baby cry. But think about how much worse it will be if your both feeding off each others stress.

Step 2: LISTEN to your baby. She's telling you what she wants, what she needs. I know, there are hundreds of articles and papers about decoding your baby's cry. They're helpful, for sure. But nothing got better as long as I was trying to force things. Once I heard what she was telling me, sleep happened! The new mothers out there know how fantastic that is.

My baby would not sleep in her bassinet. Not at all.The second she left the security of my arms she was awake. No matter how slow I transitioned her, no matter how long I let her sleep, she woke up instantly. I tried getting her almost asleep and putting her down to slip into sleep without needing to be moved. She would sleep for five minutes max and wake up screaming. I thought I would never sleep again. Then I fell asleep nursing her. We slept for 6 hours!

I hated the idea of co-sleeping. Before I thought it was crazy, why risk your baby's life like that? Then I thought about it anthropologically. I seriously doubt that anywhere in the world at any point in our history, barring the United States in modern times, that mothers slept separate from their babies. How inconvenient for everyone. Mom has to wake up and walk to get the baby, go somewhere else to nurse until sleep falls again, then get the baby back in bed without waking her up. Baby also has to wake completely up, her senses are all stimulated, and it takes longer to go back to sleep. Not to mention that all this wakes dad up once or twice too. Dr. Sears explains in detail what happens when mother and infant co-sleep. The mother can sense when the child is hungry and instinctually pulls her close to nurse. Both mother and child stay in a sleeplike state through the feeding, giving everyone the rest they need. There is also a connection between them that cannot be duplicated. My baby, for example, has security issues. I blame it on my stress level during pregnancy. She reaches out to touch my face or arm numerous times throughout the night.If she can't find me, she gets anxious. Studies also suggest the closeness of mother and infant reduce the risk of SIDS. Somehow the breathing pattern of mom regulates baby's breathing. The carbon dioxide released by the mother stimulates the infant to continue breathing. It's also been suggested that the infant's breath regulates the mother's breathing to not dispel too much carbon dioxide. Pretty impressive stuff.

So, what are the risks really? Obviously rolling over on your baby and suffocating them is a huge risk. I don't know how a mother sleeps so deep she doesn't notice. Every time my baby moved I woke up. I also used the Halo SIDS monitor, which beeps if the baby stops breathing. Another risk is the baby suffocating in blankets, pillows, or a soft mattress. Eliminate this problem by sleeping on the floor. Is it ideal? No. But if you must co-sleep and you don't have a co-sleeper bassinet, you want to reduce the risk as much as possible. Finally you risk baby falling off the bed. This isn't a risk if you're sleeping on the floor or with a co-sleeper.

I fought it for a while. I didn't want to co-sleep. I tried for weeks to get her into that bassinet overnight. She would have none of it. Some would say I gave up. I didn't, I just recognized that she wasn't feeling secure. That's something infants need, security. Without it, they can't function. Definitely can't sleep. Once you hear what your baby is telling you and find a solution that works for you both, sleep will return. The nights get easier and the days get happier. The key is figuring out what it is your baby is trying to tell you.

Where this idea came from

There is so much literature out there telling parents what to expect and how to prepare themselves for parenthood, so many ideas for how to be a parent. You can follow the archaic ideas of Dr. Spock or the new age ways of Dr. Sears, live by What to Expect or follow the doctrine of Parents magazine. I decided to gather information from as many sources as possible and follow my gut, do whatever felt right. I never expected my newborn would be the one to tell me the correct way to parent her.

            I read numerous places that a particular parenting style will not work for every parent or every child, but what I think they meant to say is that every parent-child combo will have their own, perfect method of parenting. The methods I employ with my daughter are very different from those used by her father, even when we are in agreement and parenting together.

            I had a lot of preconceived ideas of how I would parent. Attachment parenting sounded unhealthy, for the child and the mother. Self-soothing sounded like a great idea. I thought there would be ample time for schooling, writing, cleaning and some freelance work. We would get on a schedule right away, I thought, and settle into this new life and mother and child. The idea of co-sleeping seemed close to insane, why would anyone want to share a bed with something so small as a newborn, risk their lives every night like that? Nearly every thought I had was wrong. My baby showed me the way, she taught me how she wanted me to raise her. I just had to listen to her cues and pay attention to what she was trying to tell me.